(To be read after “The April 6 Strikes” below)
And then the rain began.
Late last night the weather turned blustery. Chairs, cardboard and bits of broken tables were thrown across our roof in such unceasing abundance that I began to wonder just how many chairs, pieces of cardboard and broken tables we had amassed. Doors banged. Shutters Crashed. And, unknown objects of glass that would never be found shattered.
And all day it had been overcast.
When I awoke it was still reasonably cold. The sky outside was thick yellow with sand. As I slipped into my black carhartts and pulled my black long-sleeve T-shirt over my hair I imagined the barren streets and roll-down-metal-wall shut shops that must lie below me.
And this fog of anticipation hung in the air.
Yet, when the lift reached the ground floor and I emerged onto the street, life seemed to be bustling, shoving and honking as normal. Perhaps it was a bit quieter. Perhaps a bit more nervous. But, shops sold and people bought. The vegetable and fruit sellers got in my way and heads disappeared down into the metro. No one looked at me especially oddly in my all black outfit with Egyptian flag sticking out of my backpack. I tried not to meet peoples’ eyes, afraid that if I did I might look accusingly at them. Why do your windows clearly display candle holders and knives for me to buy? Why do your tomatoes glisten and tempt today? Why are you filling your bag with these glistening tempting tomatoes? They are over ripe and dirty. They will be here tomorrow. And then I immediately felt guilty. This was exciting to me. It was a livelihood to them.
And police with neck padding and black bludgeons lined every corner.
As I approached Tahrir square the level of security increased. However, I could not help but notice that it was still far less than what a simple ride through town by Mubarak receives. By about 10:00 AM I reached Tahrir. I went straight to the center in front of the big Mugammaa government building and no one stopped me. It was not until I sat down to read, and wait, that a man with a big belly inflating his button-up shirt, wearing a mustache and walkie-talkie told me that I wasn’t welcome here and had to keep moving. It was too dangerous.
And, whether for the protests or against, I felt people wanted to believe that it was real.
Even though Tahrir was no more crowded than usual, the guards that I passed in front of campus looked stern, and resolved, and expectant. At the gate to campus the guards confiscated the Egyptian flag in my backpack. An Egyptian flag, in Egypt, this was a threat. I contemplated pointing out the silliness of this, but when they gave me back my backpack they looked so disapproving that I did not argue. I made my way to the roof of the science building which overlooks Tahrir. A guard stopped me and said I had to go down, but I played ‘dumb American’ and sat down on a ledge away from the square and started reading. Eventually he got sick of watching me and left. I packed up my bag and moved to the far edge of the roof.
And I wanted it to be real.
And there I was, on roof. As the rain spattered down around me I watched the square. I watched the rows of guards standing to attention. I watched the smattering of people looking for direction. Every so often I would check my watch, review in my head the email that had said, “groups will rally around 11:00, and start marching on Tahrir Square between 1-3,” and tell myself that at any moment a ripple would go through the people below. Heads would turn. People would run and push in the direction that everyone was staring, and out of a side street would come a throng of chanting workers. I was too expectant to study, and eventually looking at my watch lost its appeal. So, when I noticed some people I recognized below in the square I rushed down to join them. On my way out of campus I asked the guards for my flag. They huddled briefly and then I was approached by a tall man in a gray suit. He asked me if I was really an AUC student. I said, “tabaan” of course and he demanded my ID. He went over to the security shed next to the gate and wrote down my personal info on a clipboard. Then he returned my flag and ID and I joined the group in the square.
We chatted for a while. One of the kids had been doing work in Palestine a couple weeks ago and was beat up and deported to the USA. He hopped on the next flight for Cairo. A couple of the others worked for NGOs in Cairo. Eventually it was decided that we should head to the press syndicate where more might be happening. Nothing was happening. On the way back we passed a group of Egyptians in civilian clothes but standing in tight formation at the end of Tahrir. One of the guys we were with referred to them as the karate squad. Apparently they are slightly infamous. We hung out around the square for a while talking with some of the Egyptians, students and workers, who were amassing. One of my friends joked that there were more police than potential protesters. Another commented that the only thing the protests had rallied was westerners with cameras.
When the group I was with decided to go to a café and wait I split off with another friend to keep surveying. We drifted around the square. Every five minutes a man with sunglasses and a walkie-talkie would tell us we had to leave. We would move a few yards away and start surveying again. Eventually, I started wandering again. At one point some people started yelling and clamoring towards one of the street radiating from the square. A woman ran by me dragging her two small sons. On of them tripped and fell. She yelled something and slapped him across the back, pulled him up and kept running. I let myself be carried by the throng but by the time we reached the street all that could be seen were police directing traffic around a small knot of activity where a couple people seemed to be getting arrested. I continued down the street following the sent of energy. A minibus had stopped alongside a line of four, green, personal transport semis. People were slamming shut the windows and on the other side a few people were being pulled out of the door. A surge seemed to be welling up in the crowd surrounding me, but at that moment, from somewhere above us, a large bucket of water was dumped on the crowd. Then the minibus was off and traffic began flowing down the street again.
I circuitously made my way to my first class. But the anticipation and need to be elsewhere was too powerful, and when the class (it was only a handful of us) let out I forsook economics, grabbed one of my friends and took to roofs. From main campus, three stories up, we had a clear view of the entire square. It was only 3:00 o’clock and already the crowd had dispersed significantly. In the place where only five hours before I had been told to keep moving because it was too dangerous a toddler now played in the grass doing summersaults and headstands. Behind me on the athletic court a girl scored a goal and the cheer from the meager audience was louder than anything I had heard all day.
Later, on my way home I ran into one of the friends I had seen earlier. The sun had set and it was still dusty but the world no longer throbbed yellow. As he waited for the sandwich he had ordered I asked him how his day went. I asked him if it had turned out interesting. I asked what stories he would tell. He said he had saved two girls from being arrested. I tried to raise my eyebrow inquiringly, and he elaborated. Apparently, a group of Egyptian girls had been in the process of being arrested and he, with his digital SLR and khawaga image, had convinced the police that he was western press. The officers were embarrassed and did not want to look bad so they said the girls could go. I said, “That’s crazy man. That’s frickin’ awesome.” He said his day had been full of these strange little incidents. I agreed that yes, it certainly was a strange day.
And that is exactly what is so interesting and in a way disheartening about the whole affair. I do not know how the April 6 strikes will be remembered by Egyptians, but for me and a certain group outsiders, we will remember a strange day filled with interesting little incidents. We will have stories of these interesting incidents and accounts within and around this strange day. But we will not remember an event, a unified mass, a cohesive occasion. We will never say to a jealous friend or curious child, “I was there. We were there!” And beyond this, because we have our stories and our accounts, we may not even fully recognize that there was a larger event, a frame to our story, to be forgotten.
I have heard from a friend that there were successful protests all around Egypt today and that it was mainly the Tahrir activity that was dismantled by government threats and rampant arrests. I would like to believe that this is true. I would like to believe that they were real. But sitting here in front of my monitor, worrying about tomorrows exam, it all seems so distant, so surreal, like something you here about in the news. It doesn’t feel at all like something that I, in some small way, experienced and took part in. In my head I read the words, “That is great that it was a partial success,” but I glean no sense of passion from this knowledge. I siphon no solidarity or reckless optimism from these abstract and distant activities. My foundations remain firm, my sides stable, my shingles unshaken. I hope it is just me.
The wind is gone. The rain has long since dried, and tomorrow I will awake later than I had planned and wonder, now why didn’t I spend more time yesterday studying for my exam.